Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
