hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
