There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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