he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
