Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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