I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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