I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
