I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
