She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
