vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
