I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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