I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
