I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
