youre lurking in front of me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
