True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
love makes seman taste better
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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