I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
