I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
