His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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