he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
