She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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