Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am available for nakedness
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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