A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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