I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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