At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize