Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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