My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i think i have two assholes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
