So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
