I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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