I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We have started to decorate penises.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
