I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
