I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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