Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
