i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize