Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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