I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
