I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
