That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
