I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
