Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Can Purell be used as lube?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
