Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
