i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
