we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize