Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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