I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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