dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
