She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
