guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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