Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
not ubering you a puppy
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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