i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
