I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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