Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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