So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
