Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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