Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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