Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
