we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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