i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
