my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
