hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
