Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
