I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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