Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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