I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
