Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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