she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
soo... how was my night?
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