She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
