If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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