If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
