I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
