I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
