I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
