i wish starbucks made bloody marys
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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