If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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