My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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