Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
