i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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