Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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